Thursday, May 21, 2009

Fat me wants to slap thin me!

Have you ever wanted to go back in time and slap yourself for something? That's how I feel these days. 

See, I grew up thinking I had a positive body image. I have curves and plenty of them and I was ok with that. I never obsessed about dieting like many of my friends. And this was even before JLo made it cool to have a JLo! See, Hispanic women are supposed to be hippy with a side helping of booty. I patted myself on the back for not turning my life upside down to change that.

It's now, 40lbs later that I realize that I didn't diet back then because I didn't need to, not because I accepted my body for what it was! I wasn't fat, I was a pear-shaped 0,2,4, or later 6. My BMI was well within the normal range and that's what really matters, not the size of the indentation on my fave chair.

Now I am dieting. Doing the Slimfast thing, using SparkPeople, exercising to lose weight instead of dancing for fun. Before I scoffed at diets, how annoying I must have sounded. Yes I am hungry and that does make me a bit edgy, yes I'd be a happier not to watch what I eat and care what the scale said, but I need to be healthy. I'll never look like a fashion model, unless looking like JLo or Ugly Betty (don't get me started!) comes into style again and I don't want to, but I do want to tell skinny me to shut up because she isn't comfortable with her body if she thinks there are parts she has to accept. 

Have you ever wanted to go back in time and slap yourself for something? That's how I feel these days. 


See, I grew up thinking I had a positive body image. I have curves and plenty of them and I was ok with that. I never obsessed about dieting like many of my friends. And this was even before JLo made it cool to have a JLo! See, Hispanic women are supposed to be hippy with a side helping of booty. I patted myself on the back for not turning my life upside down to change that.

It's now, 40lbs later that I realize that I didn't diet back then because I didn't need to, not because I accepted my body for what it was! I wasn't fat, I was a pear-shaped 0,2,4, or later 6. My BMI was well within the normal range and that's what really matters, not the size of the indentation on my fave chair.

Now I am dieting. Doing the Slimfast thing, using SparkPeople, exercising to lose weight instead of dancing for fun. Before I scoffed at diets, how annoying I must have sounded. Yes I am hungry and that does make me a bit edgy, yes I'd be a happier not to watch what I eat and care what the scale said, but I need to be healthy. I'll never look like a fashion model, unless looking like JLo or Ugly Betty (don't get me started!) comes into style again and I don't want to, but I do want to tell skinny me to shut up because she isn't comfortable with her body if she thinks there are parts she has to accept. 

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