Conversations with a Toddler: The one that proves 3yo is FFB*

*FFB = frum from birth, ortho-lingo for raised religious.

I wasn't raised with religion. I know that sounds hard to believe, but since my parents wanted me to make my own decisions about religion we didn't discuss or participate in religion until I was in high school and my dad worried we'd fall prey to some cult if we didn't have some kind of background in something to pull from.

Well, today I had a conversation with my 3year-old that I couldn't have participated in until after I was 20 years old.

dd: How can Aba (daddy) be the king?

me: Because he's the Aba of the house, that makes him king.

dd: But how can there be two kings?

Already a deep concept.

me: There aren't two kings, Aba is the king and Ima (me, mommy) is the queen. That's it.

dd: But Hashem (G-d) is the King.

Stunned silence.

me: That's true, Hashem is the King of the whole world and Aba is king of this house.

Wow. So exciting and validating to know my children are getting a head start on all the questioning I navigated in college. Course I hope I always know the right thing to say even when I don't have the answers!

Judging favorably: The toddler edition

We have no shortage of night wakenings here even though my "baby" is two years old. Generally it's my three year old with a night terror once or twice and while startling, they don't require any act on my part besides a comforting "shush shush." Last night it was the lil man, screaming with blood curdling effectiveness that a child works to perfect just to keep mommy on her toes and her hair on end. I went in and the poor thing was thrashing about moaning "the butterfly, the butterfly" the same way a horror movie actor would repeat the zombies, the butler, the horror, etc. The idea gave me a chuckle and a pretty funny mental image of Attack of the Killer Butterflies. I calmed him down with a little tummy rubbing and a few good patronizing "Mommy won't let the butterflies hurt you" thrown in for good measure. What an imagination! I thought.

I returned to my comfy spot on the couch still smiling at the idea that the poor babe was scared of butterflies. Twenty minutes later I was attacked by the butterfly, which was in fact a low flying stink bug! It buzzed aggressively, dived bombed me a few times before settling in the nearby light fixture only venturing out when I thought I was safe to give a few more buzzes before landing in a different location. Definitely startled any smugness or patronizing mommy knows best feelings right outta my noggin!

Butterfly. Nope.

Dangerous. Nope.

Buzzing, winged creature that would scare the pants off someone sleeping or relaxing in the dark. YOU BETCHA!

Advice needed: Restless Sleeper Toddler Syndrome

My 3yo spend the first year of her life swaddled. She was a restless sleeper even then and being swaddled helped keep her asleep. Now she is a big 3yo who sleeps on a mattress on the floor. Actually she starts out on a mattress on the floor but can be found almost anywhere in her room as she rolls, scoots, crawls, spins, wiggles, shakes, inchworms in her sleep. She wakes up when she bumps something we haven't figured out how to pad or cushion. She talks, cries, yells, babbles, whimpers, whispers, all with her little baby face screwed up in sleepy confusion. Often when passing by her room after 10pm I see her awake, peering around her door watching and listening to what's going on in the house, the lure of the lights and sounds of her parents partying while she sleeps too much to resist.

But now she won't nap during the day. So she's even more tired. Earlier bedtimes just mean earlier wakeup times. I've tried reasoning, consequences like no playdates or library time for tired kids. Elmo watching is also reserved for kids who sleep. I'm not as good at swaddling as hubsters is, so that doesn't work if he's not home. Pause for a minute to imagine a 3yo swaddled in a comforter, it's pretty funny! Of course she screams if I try it, so the funny moment is fleeting.

We've tried running around like nutters so she'll collapse in exhaustion, she can outlast her baby brother and her mommy at that! We have a bedtime routine, going to bed isn't the problem, it's having peaceful sleep the whole night that's the problem. She doesn't wake me up, so that's not my motivation either. I'm out of ideas, can I borrow one?

101 things to feed a toddler

Step one: Find something the toddler eats

Step two: Feed it to them

Step three: repeat 100 times

Today my two toddlers are home sick (more about that later I'm sure). They are pretty consistent in their breakfasting habits. They choose from:

• yogurt drunk through a straw or eaten with cheerios/corn flakes mixed in and a spoon
• peanut butter sandwiches (with or without the crust depending on the direction of the wind, the phase of the moon, and the current adjusted for inflation price of tea in China)
• oatmeal - plain oatmeal with raisins, a dash of cinnamon, a dash of honey, and occasionally a handful of cheerios or cornflakes. There is no accounting for taste when it comes to a toddler.

Well, lunch time just rolled around and I offered the usual. They both wanted oatmeal. The same thing they ate for breakfast. We haven't left the house and the whole thing is giving me a Groundhog Day feeling. They must get it from their father who had egg sandwiches for breakfast and dinner last night.

When technology fails us, do we fail?

We are only human. We need technology to accomplish many things that are beyond our grasp. When that technology fails, we feel powerless, full of the knowledge that there are just some things we cannot do, cannot control, no matter how many buttons we have our fingers on.

What brought about this feeling of powerlessness I felt today wasn't anything earth shattering, but that didn't soften the blow any. The fact that even something mundane as lunch could be ruined by a technological malfunction just made me feel even more frustrated. Cars break down, computers blue screen, things fail. But the powerstrip that my slowcooker, loaded with what should have been lunch, was plugged into? When even something as small as that is out of my control, it is definitely a reminder that we are only human, and even the machines we build, the fires we kindle, anything we create from a paper airplane to a jumbo jet are guided by another force.

When I discovered my slowcooker off, my chicken still raw, I said to myself "how did people do this before electricity? I should have had the soup on the fire instead, stupid technology." And then I remembered that fires can go out, my ancestors probably also had their share of thrown together cold lunches after something happened out of their control. Thank G-d we had some salad, canned beans, soup in a carton. It was a veritable vegetarian feast in the end.

Our power as humans is to take the materials G-d gives us and create something from it. Not the same as creating something out of nothing, we are just human after all, but to take the situation we have and the materials and resources and talents we are given, and produce. Yes, as a mother I felt the pressure to feed my family, as a perfectionist I felt the stress and disappointment of my planned meal falling to pieces, as a Texan meat-eater I was less than thrilled not to have "real" food and settle for what food eats. But we had a beautiful Shabbos meal with lovely flavors, great conversation, and even a little ice cream for dessert. I'm going to keep telling myself that and hopefully I'll eventually drown out the other voices that keep harping on how I failed.

Sourdough starter

I am so excited to try again with making my own sourdough starter. I learned about if from Hannah over at CookingManager. com and I was doing ok until someone accidentally threw it away :( But this time will be different! There are less people in the house (last time we were temporarily living with my parents) and again I will have Hannah's help remembering to stir and eventually feed my little starter.

If you want to follow along first head over to cookingmanager and get the instructions. Then you can jump over to Facebook to sign up for the page and get the reminders. And away we go!

Double agent veggie muffins

I love this recipe. It can be made with a variety of fruits and veggies, can be baked into muffins or cake, frosted or unfrosted, whole wheat or white, and still taste amazing! My toddlers especially love them, and that alone would make this a winner.

As sent by my friend Tehilla:

Preheat oven to 325.

Mix all these in one bowl:

3 eggs, 1 cup oil, 2 cups sugar, 2 cups hand-grated zucchini (grates very easily), and 2 tsp vanilla.

In another bowl:

3 cups sifted flour, 3 tsp cinnamon, 1 tsp baking soda, 1/4 tsp of baking powder, 1/4 tsp salt.

Combine into one bowl and put into greased and lightly floured pan. Bake at 325 for 60-70 minutes or until done. (I think mine always bakes less)

I always use a 9 x 13. Hand mixed.

You can use carrot, zucchini, pumpkin, squash, yam/sweet potato, banana, apples, pears. You can add nuts, chocolate chips, raisins, other dried fruit. You could sub apple sauce for part or all of the oil.

If you blend the zucchini rather than shred it, the green color will be easier to hide if you have eagle-eyed skeptics like my hubsters.