I keep telling myself that sharing will get easier and better once Awa and RE are older, but things have gotten only worse and more complicated lately. Awa is usually the culprit. If RE has something she wants it, no matter what it is.
It used to be that RE would wait patiently during the hostage negotiations for his toy and if they were unsuccessful would happily accept a replacement if the toy had to disappear for world peace. A baby can only be pushed so far apparently.
Now it's all screeching and WWF wrestling. I've bought different toys so they can be individuals, didn't work. I've bought identical toys to keep the green eyed monster at bay, they are apparently still different at some molecular toddler level. I try empathy "wouldn't it make you sad if someone took away your toy?" "wouldn't it make RE soooo happy if you gave it back?", hardball (taking the offending object away), timeout, walking away and ignoring. I pick tactics based on situation, my mental state (frazzled or really frazzled), and toddler attention span which ranges from potted plant to goldfish.
One hang up I have is saying "Don't grab from your brother" as I grab the item back for her. Rather than teaching not taking, I feel it's just teaching that you must be the biggest to take. Same as yelling at them not to yell (I try to whisper), or spanking because they hit (hands are not made for hitting no matter what size).
The major downside besides all the yelling, crying, baby WWF, is that my sweet, gentle RE has started hitting and biting in retaliation. :( I'm praying that the good days stretch into good weeks and that I find the right balance of protecting my sweet boy from my aggressive girl while still allowing them to mediate themselves, not enforcing their weaker vs stronger roles creating a victim mentality, and other gobblygook they might need therapy for later. Hmm, when I hit the mall later I should keep an eye out for a black n white striped shirt.
I keep telling myself that sharing will get easier and better once Awa and RE are older, but things have gotten only worse and more complicated lately. Awa is usually the culprit. If RE has something she wants it, no matter what it is.
It used to be that RE would wait patiently during the hostage negotiations for his toy and if they were unsuccessful would happily accept a replacement if the toy had to disappear for world peace. A baby can only be pushed so far apparently.
Now it's all screeching and WWF wrestling. I've bought different toys so they can be individuals, didn't work. I've bought identical toys to keep the green eyed monster at bay, they are apparently still different at some molecular toddler level. I try empathy "wouldn't it make you sad if someone took away your toy?" "wouldn't it make RE soooo happy if you gave it back?", hardball (taking the offending object away), timeout, walking away and ignoring. I pick tactics based on situation, my mental state (frazzled or really frazzled), and toddler attention span which ranges from potted plant to goldfish.
One hang up I have is saying "Don't grab from your brother" as I grab the item back for her. Rather than teaching not taking, I feel it's just teaching that you must be the biggest to take. Same as yelling at them not to yell (I try to whisper), or spanking because they hit (hands are not made for hitting no matter what size).
The major downside besides all the yelling, crying, baby WWF, is that my sweet, gentle RE has started hitting and biting in retaliation. :( I'm praying that the good days stretch into good weeks and that I find the right balance of protecting my sweet boy from my aggressive girl while still allowing them to mediate themselves, not enforcing their weaker vs stronger roles creating a victim mentality, and other gobblygook they might need therapy for later. Hmm, when I hit the mall later I should keep an eye out for a black n white striped shirt.
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How old are they? Mine are 3 and 1. I have taught the 3-yr-old to give the baby a different toy BEFORE taking the toy she wants from him. He gets distracted by the new toy, drops the other toy, and everyone is happy.
ReplyDeleteI so agree about not grabbing it back from them, not yelling at them not to yell, etc.
And LOL about potted plant to goldfish.
Mine are now 3 and 2, and a lot has changed since I wrote this. Now they are equal opportunity snatchers, but they are much better about giving something back and saying they are sorry and making nice :). If both want the same thing I ask who will give up for their brother/sister and sometimes say the one who gives in gets something special, (generally either a nut or raisin). Still hard, but getting better!
ReplyDeleteglad you enjoyed!
That's what the teacher in my Torah-based parenting class recommends: giving a prize to the one that gives up the thing they were fighting over.
ReplyDelete